hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
