Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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