Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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