I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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