So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize