Already got asked if we're dating
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
