And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
