And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
false alarm. still invincible.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
