Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
