i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who died my cat blue again?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
