the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
