He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
