from now on my penis is your penis
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
