You can't motorboat a personality
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
