Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
