I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
