We won't sleep together?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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