just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize