it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
