There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
