Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
