I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just pee around me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
