We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Found the puke drawer
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
