You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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