I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
