He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Come on in and take your pants off
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