i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
