I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
