just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
