She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
