i just wanna soil my oats bro
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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