I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
