so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
