He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
