She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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