a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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