look no pants
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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