just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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