Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
