We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this boner is exhausting
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
