I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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