im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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