then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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