dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
