i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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