stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
