He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
