Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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