Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
