ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
