He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need a beard to bite.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
