Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize