Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Fuck appropriateness.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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