Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
