Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
