i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
