That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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