It's Friday. Sex?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
