we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
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2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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