I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
