so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
