Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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