The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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