DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I AM VODKA MAN
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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