Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
