I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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