I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
