i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
